relationship tidbits: silence and respect

Here is my rule, one that I very much believe in and do my best to live out and would recommend to anybody who is in a serious (and healthy) relationship:

Never speak badly about my husband.

When I made my vows, I promised to love Will, to seek goodness for him, to build him up and treat him with respect. I vowed to be his partner and his confidante, his faithful lover. I promised forgiveness and patience and gratitude. Complaining about him to my friends or my mom or to my co-workers… that is the very opposite of those things.

Yes, there are times when I feel tired, annoyed, or upset with Will. We fight (often). Sometimes, he makes me cry. Other times, his habits get on my nerves. We grate on each other, we annoy each other, we anger each other just like any other couple. But, instead of venting about those things, I choose to uphold my marriage vows. I cannot imagine how humiliated I would be if I overheard Will complaining about me to a friend…. and I would never want to place him in a similar situation. Instead, he deserves my honor and my respect. No matter how innocuous it may seem, I will not put him down in front of others. I will not place him in a position to be ridiculed. I will not lower somebody else’s (well-earned) opinion of him.

The two of us are tied together, with our lives and our beings and our desires intertwined… so much so that I cannot imagine pulling away from “us” to belittle him in front of others. If something needs to be said, it should be said between Will and I, not vented to a third party. If it cannot be resolved between just the two of us, it is time to go (together) to a mentor or to a counselor. Outside of those situations, venting is simply damaging. As I have said before, making our relationship public would not do anybody good.  Instead, my mantra: silence and honor and respect. Our relationship, I believe, is well worth holding my tongue.

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p.s. photo here.

p.s.s want more tidbits? try these.

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6 responses to “relationship tidbits: silence and respect

  1. I absolutely agree with you! Great wisdom for couples to read. Thanks for sharing.

  2. How long have you been married…

    • Not very long at all =) Will and I got married at the beginning of June. But we have been in a relationship for around four years, and these “tidbits”are based on that time, as well.

      • I was just wondering how you handle it when he does something that you feel is decidedly wrong. As in wrong decision with the view that it is the compete right one…

      • Truthfully, most of the time, we make our decisions together… so the talking and compromising and working-it-all-out is typically done before the decision is made. But I’ll answer your question with the assumption that he does something without consulting me first. If it is simply something that I think is bad judgment, and our conversation about it leads nowhere, then I would let it go. There is no way I can change the past and certainly no way I can force him into altering his mindset in the future… and nagging or complaining about it to friends is more likely to produce bitterness than anything else. If it is a situation where I believe he is doing something morally wrong, and where he and I cannot work it out between the two of us, then we would go to a counselor or mentor together. And we could take it from there. The wonderful thing about Will, though, is that he aware of how his words and actions affect me, willing to talk with me about life, and eager to resolve anything that may come between us. We are both vocal and committed to addressing any problems in our relationship. It would be a rare situation for us to disagree about something serious and for both of us to feel strongly enough that compromise is not possible.

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