In his book, Sex God, Rob Bell talks about the importance of privacy in marriage by using the symbol of the Jewish chuppah. He says,
“What goes on between them is a profound mystery. The mystery of the mingling of souls. What goes on under the chuppah belongs to that man and that woman. When it is shared with others, it no longer belongs to them exclusively. And its power is decreased. Because the power of their coming together is rooted in their choice to give themselves to each other and to no one else in this particular way.”
Of course, he is talking in one sense about sex. But also, throughout the chapter, he extends this metaphor to other facets of a relationship… the unassuming, the mundane, the things that are often shared between women over coffee. And that is what I want to talk about.
I have learned over the years that there are certain things that are better kept between Will and myself. Not because they are serious or sacred or shameful. But because they are ours. Memories, conversations, jokes. The times where we’ve shared our hearts or learned a lesson or even just become familiar with the others’ habits. Those things are what makes up our relationship. When friends ask how things are going between the two of us, I’m happy to share some… but not too much. Mostly I want to keep our special things, well, ours.
Our relationship is stronger, more powerful, more intimate because we have chosen not to dilute its exclusivity. We can say, “it’s just you and me,” and it can be true. When we get married, we will have already begun building a world of just him-and-I-ness… it will just be us under the chuppah.
p.s. I should mention that I actually wasn’t a big fan of Sex God, in general. I did, however, wholeheartedly agree with most of what Bell said in “Under the Chuppah”.
p.s.s. the lovely photo was found here
p.s.s.s. another relationship tidbit, if you would like to read more.