So, let me start off by confessing something… blogging makes me nervous.
I never thought I’d be the person to start a blog. But, for the last couple of weeks, it’s all I’ve been able to think about. Should I do it? I’ve been worried about what it means to put my life on display, about my inevitable desire to focus on the numbers, about the temptation to shape myself into the type of person that people will like and therefore follow. I mean, who am I kidding? Why do I even have this random, deep desire to blog about my boring life, anyways? Bah, the questions keep circling and circling!
But there’s the desire to deal with. And somebody once told me that that famous verse in Psalms- you know, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desire of your heart”- wasn’t about God granting your wishes. Instead, it’s about Him putting His own longing in your soul, to become your longing. And so maybe I should pay attention to this sudden and strong desire to put my thoughts and feelings and musings onto the Internet.
You see, I think that we’re all more alike than we realize. And maybe if I say the things that others don’t dare to say, then they’ll feel like they aren’t so alone. Because I know that I, for one, feel alone a lot. And I believe, I choose to believe, that somebody could be raw and honest and maybe sometimes get it right.
I know that your story may be one that has some really hard chapters, and part of me feels silly about telling you how I am inspired to be honest, when my struggles are much more mediocre. What do I really have to be honest about? There are no deep secrets or heart-breaking times. My sadness and my loneliness and my doubts seem like ingratitude when I lay them beside miscarriages or divorce, or battles of eating disorders or abuse or poverty.
But, I just have to tell myself that God has given me a story. And if I believe, even in the tiniest, that HIS story for ME is bigger than just myself, that it is true and right in the sense that He is true and right, then I should share it. Because He has given me a desire to do just that.
So I’m going to share it. And sometimes it will be deep and heavy. Sometimes, not so much. If you know me, you know that I have plenty to say on the sweeter parts of life: the sunshine and the magic and the music of my everyday. There will be plenty of recipes, a “DIY” thrown in here and there, and other bits & pieces of inspiration. Whatever’s on my heart.
And now it begins.